The Impact of Music? What Music?

The sound portion of my computer is most definitely dead. The little green light doesn't even come on anymore. I thought I heard it give a few crackles over the past couple of weeks. I didn't pay it any mind. Now it's gone. I probably couldn't have saved it anyway.

The Ron Weasley character in J.K.Rowling's Harry Potter series wasn't one of my favorites, but he did have a line I use a lot. "Why does everything I own have to be rubbish?"

I miss my music. Yeah, I can listen to the radio. But there are only a small handful of stations which play the music I really like (60s R&B and R&R). I like other music, too, including harp and piano. I used to own a harp. Got so I could play some nice stuff on it, too. My instructor (and I feel just horrible because I can't remember her name - how awful is that!) was a professional harpist and at the end of her career. She mostly played in the Rosewood Room (a fancy restaurant I couldn't afford to support), but she occasionally took students. I was lucky and got her. She had studied under Marcel Grandjany. When she spoke of him it was always in reverant tones, like he was a prophet of God or something. Maybe he was. He certainly played heavenly. She gave me an album of his as a gift. (I'm going to call her Vera, because I think her name began with a "V". I dare not ask Spouse.)

Originally, Vera would meet me at Groth Music, in downtown Minneapolis. I was working at the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association at the time. I got off work at 4:30 and would hike to Groth Music and take my lesson. Spouse, who also worked at B.G.E.A., would drive the car over when the lesson was up and we would go home. Then, shortly before I sold the harp, Vera changed our lesson times to Saturday, and we met at her house. I brought Spouse along. Spouse was very jealous of me in those days. Of everyone. Sisters, brothers, friends, neighbors, it didn't matter. I still remember Spouse throwing my sister Gayanne out of the house because Gayanne was taking up all of my time talking about the 'olden days'. Spouse wasn't particularly fond of Vera, either. She thought Vera was in love with me because Vera was constantly talking me up and complimenting me on my fingers and technique. I don't know. Maybe she was. But unless she threw herself upon me and dragged me to her bedroom nothing was going to come of it. I would never dare.

I remember Vera was practically in tears when I told her I had to sell the harp in order to get the money to go to tech school. She begged me to get another as soon as I could and let her continue teaching me, and I promised her I would. I never did. I never could. I sold the harp, took the classes, and eventually found myself earning a decent living as a computer programmer (software engineer - I hate that term). Eventually, my job would be eliminated - along with half of the department.

Selling that harp was one of the stupidest things I ever did. I gave up a dream for money. Disgusting. Now I have neither the dream nor the money. I should have kept the harp. I should have kept my promise to Vera. Now I don't believe I can, even if I were to win the lottery. Vera was ten years older than I am now - twenty-five years ago. I expect she's gone now, or at least in no condition to teach. I'm sorry, Vera. I failed you.

So here I sit in silence. I'm writing (just taking a break to update my blogs). It's slower without my music, but I've got nearly 3,000 words down in my new short story, the title of which has already changed three times. I've tried Kiahva, Noviah and Apprentice. Who knows what it will be called when I'm finished, hopefully some time next week. I wish I had my music. I might be done by now.