Book I - Chapter One - The Council of Elders

Nothing is out for critiqing, so I think I will continue the story from where I left off yesterday.

Even after dropping it 2,126 words, Chapter One is still the third longest chapter in the book at 45 pages. It's 11,285 words, but don't worry, I'm not going to put them all here. I'll 'tell' most of it and only put in short snippets of the actual prose.

Book I begins with First Interlude, which was posted yesterday. However, the actual narrative begins in Chapter One. It is only proper I begin with the actual first paragraph.

Khirsha tried to make himself relax as he sat against the large rock and stared out over Fire Lake. The setting sun was reflecting across the swells, making it look as though tiny stars were suddenly appearing and vanishing with ceaseless regularity. The waters were lapping gently at the shore, caressing it with unending care. Frogs were singing deep-throated songs. In the distance a loon called to its mate. Fish were making popping sounds as they sucked insects from the lake’s surface. He could hear voices from fishing boats as they neared shore to put in for the night. Such peace. Calm before a storm.

Most of the time I like to begin long pieces calmly. I know I'm supposed to get to the action right off and capture the reader's interest. But, as a reader, I find I am often captured by peace.

Anyway, in the very next paragraph Kelso arrives. During their ensuing conversation we learn just what 'storm' is approaching, and how close it is. Before I tell you what I will first provide narrative descriptions of both Khirsha and Kelso.

Kelso was the elder cousin by four years, but still they were the closest of friends – like brothers. They were near cousins because their fathers were brothers. Still, their family resemblance was only slight. They were about the same height, despite their age difference, but Kelso built for strength and endurance. He had dark eyes that looked out mischievously through thick black hair hanging loose to his shoulders. He wore a brown tunic with a small, green insignia of a shield and sword on his left breast, tucked into brown britches, tied up in front. A thick, black leather weapons belt carved with figures of dragons held his mock sword and knife. Another sword, a drained weapon, was strapped to his back. His black, but faded, boots were well worn and caked with mud and dust.

Khirsha didn’t have Kelso’s bulk. He was strong, but slight. He had large hands with long fingers. His eyes were blue and contrasted well with his golden locks, which he also wore long. He wore a tan tunic an insignia of two crossed and burning swords on a blue shield. His britches were black, and his boots were caked with mud and dust. His weapons belt was the same as Kelso’s, with the same armament, but no weapon adorned his back.

Different in appearance, they were very much alike in spirit. They were already formidable warriors, despite Kelso only being twenty-two and Khirsha eighteen. Singly, they were the two best of their generation. Paired, they were unbeatable, even by much older warriors. They had grown up together, played together, fought together (and against each other) and constantly competed one against the other. Khirsha, being the younger, always lost. But he ever ready for the next challenge.

We quickly learn that both Khirhsa and Kelso are required to stand before The Council that very night. We learn The Council is made up of Sovereigns, and that Khirsha and Kelso each report to a specific Sovereign. We also learn of a Sovereign named Odelmaar, who the boys do not view with affection. Khirsha confesses that, whatever their crime, he was the one who instigated it.

Next we learn there are triplets involved, and finally, what the actual crime appears to be. While the boys discuss it they almost unconsciously engage in a rock throwing competition. It seems Khirsha somehow managed to trick the triplets into attacking a Royal Envoy. Only he hadn't been aware the convoy was a royal one. We also get a hint of Khirhsa's relationship to the triplets.

“How was I to know it was a royal envoy? They showed no banners and there had been no word he was coming. It was supposed to be Sakaylin and Shamatta making their regular rounds. Sakaylin always plays along with these things.” He threw his stone with a grunt. “I think I passed you.”

Kelso picked up another stone.

“But they could have been killed. That’s not what you wanted. Could you look at Manya if Johahnen’s guard had killed them?” Kelso took a short run and let his stone go. It landed far beyond Khirsha’s last. “I think I got you.”

“No, I don’t want them dead,” said Khirsha, stooping and finding another stone. “I love Manya dearly. It’s her sons I abhor. How you can take them I don’t know. They’re near cousins to me, but not even close cousins to you.” He tried a running throw but his effort came up short. He made a silent curse.

Kelso laughed. “It’s simple. They like me. They like you, too, although I know it doesn’t seem like it. And say what you will, my guess is you like them, too. Come, we’d best get to the Great Hall. There were only three turns left when I came to find you, and I’ve used one just to get here. I win.”

Ah, yes. A 'turn'. It does get explained later, but think of it as 'an hour', although Khirhsa's family did not measure time in hours and minutes.

They leave the lakeside and walk to the Great Hall, where their 'trial' is to take place. When they arrive they see the Timekeeper, which explains turns.

Khirsha gave a quick look to the Timekeeper, an elaborate construction consisting of a dozen clear bottles of water. Each bottle was sealed to prevent spillage. The bottles were wide at the top and bottom, and very narrow in the middle, allowing only a small, steady dripping of water to pass from the upper chamber to the lower. The bottles were arranged in a row on a rail protected by a roof. The first four on the left (as one looked from the Great Hall) held blue tinted water; the next group of four held clear water and the last four contained red water. The color of water indicated morning, mid-day or afternoon. It was the job of an Unaligned to ensure the proper turning of time jars. Khirsha smiled, remembering how he and Kelso had once turned all the jars so they drained at the same time. That had been another time they had stood before the council.

They boys enter the Great Hall and go right to the Chamber of Decision, where The Council meets. And now comes the horrible Parade of Characters, which makes Chapter One so long. No less than twenty characters are introduced with quick descriptions. Here's a list:

The COUNCIL:
. . Abrin - 95yrs, Head-of-Family/Presider, Khirsha/Kelso's grandfather
. . Sov. Thiessa - 91yrs, Temple Line, also Chief Temple Keeper, strict
. . . . . . . . . . . . . Khirsha's aunt, Abrin's closest confidant, pacifist
. . Sov. Abro - 101yrs, Defense Line, Kelso's line, Abrin's brother,
. . . . . . . . . . . an 'old softie'
. . Sov. Zielmae - 97yrs, Arts Line, Abro's wife, assertive
. . Sov. Odelmaar - 103yrs, Mines Line, Chief of Abrin's opposition,
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . especially dislikes Khirhsa/Kelso
. . Sov. Quesh - 98yrs, Flocks Line, partnered with Odelmaar,
. . . . . . . . . . . . Zielmae calls him Odelmaar's lackey
. . Sov. Kraston - 131yrs, Swords Line, Khirsha's line,
. . . . . . . . . . . . . Khirsha's great-Uncle, was Head-of-Family for
. . . . . . . . . . . . . one week before giving post to Abrin, mean
. . . . . . . . . . . . . sense of humor but kind, supports Khirsha/Kelso
. . Sov. Baliel - 100yrs, Healers Line, independent thinker,
. . . . . . . . . . . dedicated to her craft
. . Sov. Sheradatan - 91yrs, Housing Line, hard man,
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . appreciates logical thinking
. . Sov. Shob - 91yrs, Supplies Line, humorless, often sides
. . . . . . . . . . . with Odelmaar
. . Sov. Hirshahn - 94yrs, Crops Line, non-political, independent
. . Sov. Valens - 85yrs, Outposts Line, replaced his sister (Abrin's wife)
. . . . . . . . . . . . when she was killed in a Barbarian
. . . . . . . . . . . . attack, grandfather to the Triplets
. . Sov. Fahrden - 94yrs, Kingdom Line, third member of
. . . . . . . . . . . . . Odelmaar's faction, doesn't like Khirsha/Kelso

OTHERS:
. . Schiko - 130yrs, oldest member in Temple Line, oversees meetings
. . Klarissa - 59yrs, Khirsha's mother
. . Shello - 57yrs, Khirsha's father
. . Khaiu - 59yrs, Kelso's father
. . Tura - 61yrs, Kelso's mother (from outside the family)
. . Manya - 55yrs, Triplets mother, Klarissa's younger sister, loves Khirsha
. . Prince Johahnen - 45yrs, Kingdom of Azua Prince, selfish,
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ambitious, greedy, want to replace father as
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . king but older brother stands in his way,
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Abrin supports the older brother

That's quite a cast to introduce in a short time. More importantly, the trial shows us the character of some of the more key characters, such as Abrin, Odelmaar, Quesh, Thiessa, Kraston, Baliel and Johahnen, as well as something of family justice.

The Triplets are dealth with first. Sovereign Fahrden reads the accusation. Now we get the details of the crime.

“The charges have been brought by Prince Johahnen of the Royal Family of the Kingdom of Azua. He hereby states that during late morning, two days ago, three members of our family, namely Korse, Tavan and Venyon, all brothers and sons of Manya, who now stand before the Council, did attack his envoy just south of the Thoroughfare. He further states that during this attack he was actually struck repeatedly by the weapons wielded, and only his skill and restraint prevented him from slaying the attackers – as he would have been justified in doing.”

Khirsha noted that even Fahrden had to catch himself at this last. The very idea Johahnen was either skilled or restrained was ludicrous. A slight murmuring spread through the room, no doubt discussing this very issue.

“Would the Prince care to add anything to the charges as they have been stated?” Fahrden asked.

Johahnen stood with a flourish and moved quickly and fluidly to a place before Abrin. The triplets gave way to him, using their mother as a shield against his wrath. Khirsha and Kelso, however, did not move. Johahnen’s cape billowed and flashed with sparkles from small sequins sewn in at regular intervals. As he spoke he made quick turns to accent his cape and to make himself appear larger. It was probably a good tact in Azua, but here it only served to make him look silly. So thought Khirsha.

“I want it understood that what these ‘children’ have done is an affront to my kingdom, my father and myself,” he said to Abrin. “I come here to offer aid in dealing with these roving bands of brigands and what is my reward? I am assaulted. My father will not be pleased to learn of my discomfort.”

He made another swirl and flowed back to his place like a bird in flight, making hardly a sound. All were silent as he moved, although Khirsha doubted anyone was impressed. Haughty words and phony indignation were not the way of the family.

The Triplets admit their guilt, but they implicate Khirsha in the process. After some discussion, we learn a little more about family justice.

“What you knew, or who planned the attack, does not absolve you of guilt,” said Abrin. “Your own words convict you. Since you confess your guilt, there is no need to call for evidence. Are there any who will stand with these three?”

Family tradition dictated that any one found guilty, either by admission or by the evidence of witnesses, would need three members of the Council to stand with them in their punishment. Alternately, they could get by with two council members if the accused were underage and their parents stood with them. Failure to be given sponsorship meant the guilty would face more severe punishments. Presiders had been known to give dunking, confinement, whipping and even banishment, depending upon the offense. To date, only one member had ever been banished.

The Triplets are sponsored. Now come the recommendations for punishment.

“Perhaps they should be whipped,” offered Uncle Kraston.

Kraston was related to both Khirsha and the triplets through his brother, Khurbah. Even so, this relation did nothing to ease his punishment suggestions. Although much given to humor, Kraston could be hard. He was the oldest sovereign. He always came to council meetings dressed in a flowing robe of deep blue, tied at the waist with a thick leather belt inlaid with gold. He wore a large, golden ring on his left hand with an opal setting. His boots were shiny black, for he only wore them here. A footstool was provided and he often reclined as he listened to proceedings. Kraston also knew how to intimidate. He was a big man, massive and strong. He was not above making wild and absurd suggestions just to force discussion.

Tavan and Venyon quailed. Korse bit his lower lip. Manya gave Kraston a look of defiance. Khirsha did not know if Kraston had been joking, but he didn’t think Manya would let the punishment go unchallenged. Challenges to the Council were virtually unheard of, but Manya was tall, strong, willful and never intimidated. She might invoke her right as parent of underage youths to take their punishment for them. There would probably not be any takers on whipping Manya.

“Perhaps they need more instruction in law and conduct,” offered Thiessa. Thiessa was something of a pacifist, of which the family had few. Although she could be formidable when angered, she was also hesitant to physically punish. She was Chief Temple Keeper as well as Temple Sovereign (an unusual state of affairs as these positions were not generally doled to the same person) and the final authority on matters of family law.

. . .

“Maybe we could send them to Zielmae so they can work in pottery?” scoffed Kraston. “Reading and meditation are not going to correct their behavior.”

“Neither will whipping them,” said Thiessa.

Thiessa and Kraston were not closely related, except by marriage. The two frequently debated, though never hotly. Each had great respect and affection for the other, but Kraston was much more of a free spirit and they often saw things differently. Khirsha suspected Uncle Kraston merely liked to pique Aunt Thiessa. He also suspected, though he knew she would never admit it, that Aunt Thiessa actually enjoyed the banter.

“It will do no harm and probably a lot of good,” said Kraston.

In the end the recommendation is that the Triplets be confined for thirty days. Prince Johahnen is not happy.

“What is this?” he cried, drawing dark looks from everyone for his disregard for protocol. “These three attack a royal envoy and the only punishment you can come up with is to lock them in their rooms? I demand they be severely punished!”

Abrin paused before responding. Khirsha could tell he was not pleased. Still, when he spoke he was calm.

“Prince Johahnen, this is not for you to decide. Neither is it for the Council to decide. The decision on how these three will be punished is mine. You are here as a guest. I suggest you remember that.”

Johahnen flinched as though he had been struck. Clearly he was not accustomed to being spoken to like this. With a sound of disgust he headed back to his place.

“I should have just slain them when I had the chance,” he muttered, but he was deliberately loud enough so everyone heard his words.

“You could have tried!” came a muffled retort from somewhere behind Khirsha.

Abrin’s eyes flashed in fury, searching for the offender. Johahnen was livid.

“How dare you!” he shouted. “Who said that? I demand to know! Step forward!”

Silence. No one moved. Even Abrin waited. It was clear whoever had made the comment wasn’t going to admit it. No one sitting near seemed eager to point him out either.

“Indeed,” snarled Johahnen. “Brave in your words, but you fear to face me.”

But Khirsha knew it wasn’t Johahnen who the offender feared: it was Abrin. Prince Johahnen had been out of order in his outburst, but so was the offender in criticizing the Prince. Abrin didn’t take well to disrespect within the Chamber. If he found out who had made the comment the offender could easily find himself standing where Khirsha and the others now stood, although Khirsha suspected he already guessed who had said it. Even Khirsha recognized the deep voice of Rupahrn, Abro’s son, and Abrin looked long in Rupahrn’s direction. Rupahrn wisely sat innocently and made no sign.

Ultimately, Abrin chooses to not only confine the Triplets, but to confine them to Orchard Village, home of Sovereign Fahrden. They will be placed in his charge and assigned work duty.

This has gone quite longer than I expected, even with skipping a lot of narrative. So, I think I will save the next phase of the trial - Khirsha and Kelso - for another day.

Meanwhile, I think I am picking up some possible ways to change this text. On someone's blog, I forget who's now, the blogger wrote about revealing emotion through adjectives - which is poor. A better way is to reveal emotion through physical behavior. I haven't done enough of that. Historically, I believe I have tended to use the adjective method. It certainly gives me something to work on.