Well, I've finished Apprentice again. Thanks again to FairyHedgeHog for taking the time to read it and provide some valuable opinion and advice.
Now what do I do with it?
Probably, I should have it read again. I'm not sure I clarified all of the uncertainty about some of the characters. Kiahva is good. She's much more consistent in her naievte, and in her transition which allows her to make her climactic decision. We know a little more about Amice. Amice is cool. A year older than Kiahva, Amice provides Kiahva with the emotional and physical strength Kiahva needs. Galahi is probably the same, but we don't need to know too much about her as she only appears for a short scene. I believe I have revealed more of Sanamah, but I wonder if it is enough. And then there is the entire question of how the Ladies fit into their society.
I think the story is stronger. Fairy had me start the story later, where things really start to happen. That helped me clip off about 400 words. The story is down to 6,945 words.
It's a good story. I'm just not sure what to do with it now.
Sailors on the Sea
Friday, January 9, 2009
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2 comments:
You really need a fresh pair of eyes to it. Have you tried Critique Circle? They're a bit blunt and not all critiques are equally helpful but you can get some very good ones there. You might need to submit it in two parts if it's still 7k words as that's a bit long for them.
Fairy, I'm sorry I didn't respond to you earlier. Now you probably aren't checking this and it's too late.
I expect you're right about the fresh pair of eyes. I'll give Critique Circle a go.
However, would you care to read the story just to read it? You don't have to critique it or anything? Let me know. If I don't hear from you soon I'll ask again someplace else.
Thanks
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