Music: An Explosion of Moods in My Heart

Just got another reminder of how I am affected by music differently than normal people.

Sometimes it is the lyrics. They reach right to me. Most often it is the sound. I can hear the sound and separate it from the lyrics (most of the time). That is why I can listen to a humorous song and begin weeping, or a passionate love song and laugh.

Generally, this doesn't pose a problem because I mostly listen to music while I am alone. In the car, at the computer, laying in bed reading a book. Music touches all of my emotions, but it only evokes a few moods. The most common mood is nostalgia. I'm pulled back to a time - long ago it seems now - when happiness was something I saw within my grasp. It was elusive, and I wore myself out trying to lay hold of it. But I remember days when I was so close to touching it. So close. There is a host of music which brings me back to one of those moments.

The next mood is one of high energy. I feel like bursting! I feel like dancing. (Even though I do not dance. Been laughed at too many times.) I can't dance because I can't maintain any semblance of choreography. Even within my own "moving about" there is no rhymn or reason. I will repeat some move over and over and over again, and then suddenly break out into something totally different. I need a lot space, too. A LOT of space. If I'm going to dance I can't sit still. And I can't hold onto anyone - or be held by anyone - for more than a few seconds at a time. I have to MOVE! I don't, though. I sit in a chair and let my emotions swirl me about the room, taking me across the stage, flying me into the air with spins, leaps, tummults, and shouts. When I'm not nostalgic I like energy.

Somewhere between nostalgia and energy is the music which makes me think of fantasy. Not THAT kind of fantasy. No. Actually, music seldom makes me feel erotic. Not sure why. READING can do that. IF I'm reading something written well. I guess that's because reading engages my imagination far more than music, which engages my emotions. Imagination is FAR more erotic than emotions. At least, for me it is.

Umm, fantasy. Right.

The fantasy I refer to is medieval fantasy. Quests, battles, dragons, unicorns, flying, sailing, swords, nature, storms, sunrises, sunsets, mountains, lakes, rivers, valleys, horses, wild beasts, and lovers. I didn't say it NEVER made me feel erotic. Just not that often. [grin]

Humor is high on the list of musical moods. But bear in mind that I can laugh at songs which are not meant to be funny. I can laugh at songs which just about everyone else finds romantic. I can laugh at songs others find patriotic, or inspiring, or even offensive. That's what got me into trouble this time. A simple phrase in a song got my humor going and I was laughing. Nothing else about the song mattered. That's how music can inspire me. A single sequence of words becomes the sole point of my comprehension. I hear nothing else from the song except that phrase. It becomes the story.

Unfortunately, this time the story I ignored wasn't exactly nice, and I picked a foolish place to have it. So I mucked up. I still think the song's funny because I still can't picture the rest of the song in my head.

Sometimes I think I get too focused on things. You know?