Science Fiction Made Easy

In my frantic search for my Bevie’s Corner graphic I came across several interesting – but long forgotten – pieces. One of these artifacts is a full page flow chart showing “How to Write a Science Fiction Novel”, but Sam J Lundwall. I don’t recall how I came to have this, but it seems it was in SCIENCE FICTION An Illustrated History. The date is 1977. I’m not posting a copy because it says it’s copyrighted.

It begins with EARTH. From there one can go in any of four directions: A) burns up, freezes or falls into the sun; B) is struck by a giant comet; C) Scientists; D) is attacked by.

If one choose to follow the A path one is limited. Either “everybody dies” or “almost everybody dies”. The end.

Path B offers few opportunities. Either the earth is: 1) destroyed – the end; 2) saved – the end; 3) not destroyed, but everyone dies – the end, OR almost everyone dies – the end.

Paths C and D are very similar. Earth Scientists either invent, or Earth is attack by – tiny/giant Martians, Moon Creatures, bugs, reptiles, mechanical devices, super persons or icky things. These, in turn, are: 1) friendly – the end; 2) friendly, but misunderstood; 3) misunderstand us; 4) understand us too well; 5) look upon us as nourishment; 6) want our women.

These threats can also be/not be radioactive. And they can/cannot be killed by: a) the army, navy, marine corps and/or coast guard; b) the atomic bomb; c) a crowd of peasants with torches.

In the event the threats cannot be killed by the above, there are a variety of endings to choose from: 1) they die from catching chicken pox; 2) they kill us; 3) they put us under a benign dictatorship; 4) they eat us; 5) scientists invent a weapon which kills them/turns them into disgusting lumps; 6) a cute kid convinces them people are O.K.; 7) a priest talks to them of God; 8) they leave; 9) turn into disgusting lumps anyway; 10) fall in love with this beautiful girl, get married and live happily ever after.

Wow. With all of this useful advice, I wonder why I’ve never written science fiction.