Got Al Stewart playing on Windows Media Player. The Year of the Cat album. This album was frequently playing in the background as I wrote various portions of the Swords of Fire Saga. I like the sound. It has a haunting quality which tugs at me. Moody Blues Music is like that, too.
Been playing on my bass more this past week. Trying to do some chords on the keyboard, too. I love music. Love to sing, although there are few who share this particular love of mine. I do recall one woman - the wife of one of the assistant pastors at the church I was attending. I was about twenty at the time and was frequently asked to solo during evening services. Performing and singing - singing and performing. I never had to be asked twice. I would stand at the podium and sing various familiar hymns. Whenever I stand before a crowd I instinctively seek out three faces toward the back: one to the left; one in the center; and one to the right. This gives me focus as my attention moves across the auditorium. For some reason everyone thinks I'm looking at them, but in fact I only see those three people. The pastor's wife always sat in the middle and she always looked to happy to hear me singing. How could I not focus on her?
Wish I had the confidence of youth. I would play my base hours every day. Keyboard, too. But in the early years of my sixth decade I find it hard to believe I can actually become proficient. At the same time I cannot wholly abandon my love. I keep trying, albeit half-heartedly.
Sometimes I think that's what I'm doing with my writing. I fear I will never be good enough to be published, and so when it comes to putting together a query letter to offer my work up for consideration I drag my feet. The story is ready. Been ready for weeks. I'm just afraid to write the query letter and send it off.
For one thing, I know who I want to submit to. Unfortunately, I submitted to her agency last fall - and was rejected. She advised me to go to Evil Editor, which I did. But in my thank you response to her rejection I promised her I wouldn't bother her again. I was so depressed and ready to give up at the time. Now I regret making that promise, for more than any other agent I have investigated I want this one. Not that she would take me anyway, but I would like to try again. But I promised. Not only that, but she's already rejected this story. True, I've drastically rewritten it since her rejection, but is it proper form to re-submit a story to an agent after they have rejected it? And you promised to leave them alone? I don't know how things work. And stupid promises have complicated my life again. Damn, but I do have a big mouth.
Speaking from the heart doesn't always work. Actually, it seldom does. I guess that's why so many of the people I meet face-to-face hate the truth to much. I live and die with it.
Unfortunately, my promise is killing me, and I don't know what to do about it.
Sailors on the Sea
Saturday, June 6, 2009
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6 comments:
Why this particular agent? Which other agents would also be suitable?
You'll probably have to query several anyway, so why not find any who might do and start sending it off?
I would also be looking for markets for your short stories so you have several things going off at once. I gather that most people get loads of rejections and that has to hurt so you're going to need some way to deal with that. Always having at least one story out there might help.
If you're desperate for this one agent then you could submit to her anyway. Time has passed and you have changed your mind. People are allowed to change their minds. In our culture, saying you will do something is an expression of intent, not a binding contract. If you later change your mind, then that's OK.
That's how I see it, anyway.
I guess it's hard to explain why this agent. Probably the best way is to compare it to sending in the query letter. To the agent, they all begin to look the same, so when one stands out from the others they want it. That's what I found with agent websites. They all tend to look the same and the agents all seem to be the same. But this one stood out.
So what stops you from admitting that you've changed your mind about resubmitting to her?
Oooh. Relentless. That's what you are. Confronting me with my own inner demons.
I guess I get a bit legalistic when it comes to the things I say. Worry about people thinking I'm just a liar. Try to avoid making stupid statements, but my mouth works faster than my brain.
Also, do I confess up front that the query is for a story she has already rejected? Or, since the story has been rewritten, do I let it stand on its own? Not sure of protocols. Ultimately, if it is something she would like to represent I suppose she would rather I submit it than not. It's only a potential issue if she still doesn't want it.
Can you ask EE some of those questions? Because I don't know what agents do and don't like.
Yeah, I suppose. Searching for agents/editors is the most hateful part of the process.
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