What's There is There

Do you want to know what's stupid? I am sitting her before the computer with tears running down my face because The Song began playing and I have been replaying it over and over again. What song? The song of Bolar's death. I cried for hours when I wrote the scenes, and they weren't even well written. And now I pulled up the file and did a search for "He is dead." It found the passage in one hit. I read it an cried again.

How silly. Bolar is just a character from the Swords of Fire backstory. He wasn't written well, but his passing brings tears. Strange. To satisfy you curiosity I will include portions of the Death Chapter. Don't expect to tear up. It can never mean to you what it means to me. One person's laughter is another's tears.

But this is what I wrote. I've made a couple of adjustments. The "She" is Tavaar. Probably the woman in the series I love most.

She was standing before her wardrobe, trying to decide what to wear, when there was a knock at her door. It opened and she turned to see Hetahna.

“Good morning, Hetahna. What is it?”

“You have a visitor, my lady.”

A warning chill passed through Tavaar’s heart.

“Sashwa?”

“No, my lady. It is Master Dahrin.”

The warning became fear. Dahrin was Bolar’s great-grandson. He had never come here before.

“I will be right there.”

She stripped off her gown and got into a tunic and britches. Then she raced from her room. Dahrin was standing and waiting. He was dressed in a healer’s robe. His face anguished. His hands wringing.

“Good morning, Tavaar,” he said.

“Good morning, Dahrin. Is something wrong? Why are you here?”

“It is Grandfather Bolar.”

Weakness was attacking her.

“Is he ill?”

“No. He is dead.”

If the world had ended right then she would not have noticed. She ran for the front door.

“Hetahna, watch the children!”

She raced from the house, not waiting to see if Dahrin followed. All she passed was a blur. Her only thought was to get to Bolar’s house. If she could just get there it wouldn’t be true. She slapped away the tears which filled her eyes. The house was before her. The door was opening. She rushed past Jebew, who had let her in. She headed for Bolar’s room. Their room. It was the room they shared. Bewda stood before it, and as Tavaar ran up she caught her in her arms. Tavaar struggled to get past, but for an old woman Bewda was strong, or was it Tavaar just weak?

“I have to see him! Bewda, let me past! I have to see him.”

“It is too late, Tavaar. He is gone,” Bewda soothed.