Same Story Different Eyes

Stories are amazing things. Emphasize this and you have a love story. Emphasize that and you're making a political statement. Quests, personal growth, action, adventure. All of these things are part of the same story. We, the storytellers, simply decide which elements will be emphasized and which will be minimized - or even ignored.

I have always known this, but it is with Swords of Fire that it is really brought home to me. Particularly this time. All of my previous story-shattering rewrites involved making major changes to the story, the time line, and a host of other things. Not this time.

This time I am telling the same story as last, but I have changed the angle at which I look at it. And now it seems to be a completely different story. It's the ten blind men and the elephant thing.

By concentrating on aspects I had kept in the background, and pushing to the background things I had focused on, I now have a new story. And yet it's the same. Hopefully, I will be happy with what I wind up with. Writing it, I feel a greater sense of intensity, urgency, and danger than I did in the previous version. In the previous version those things built slowly over time until they reached the climax. Now, beginning the story about a week later than Traitor, it feels like a different animal. And so I have given it a new name: Fire Mountain. It is appropriate, because the new focus is on the mountain and not the treason. The Mountain, and its surrounding lands and waters, contain the prize. It is the prize. The stakes are high and the risks are higher.

The rewrite is also going to bring forward characters who otherwise were not even mentioned. Now they will play a role. Some significantly. Of course, this means other characters are going to have to fade into the background.

Something else to come out of this is an epiphany of how I can create a database table containing an instant list of who is descends from who, instead of having to search and do time consuming calculations. Creating the table will take time, too, but not more than a few hours. But it really is useful. Trying to figure out if Bordan is descended from Bolar is a bit of a pain in the a*s. And then I will have the data henceforth.

I like The Great Sea. I guess if I could go anywhere it would be there. But I suppose that only makes sense. After all, I'm the one who created it. Kind of.

It Never Goes Away

Well, it turns out yesterday was more than a strange chance. Today I began an earnest rewrite of Swords of Fire, Book I.

I have rewritten the story literally dozens of times, but only a few have been of the nature to change the story's basic flow. This is one of those times.

For the first time in more than ten years I am not just rewriting the story, I am changing nearly everything. Ultimately, the start and ending will be the same, as well as certain key milestones between. But the actual road map has changed.

Maintaining the travel analogy, instead of traveling from Minneapolis to Los Angeles by means of heading south to Texas and then west to California, I am going to cut through the mountains and take the Denver route. Both routes allow me to visit Kansas City and Las Vegas, but each also presents its own places of interests.

And so it will be with this new version of Swords of Fire. The title will change.

Of all the stories which pass through my head this is the one which matters most. I will keep working on it until I find a presentation which works for an audience.

I have to. There's no other way.

A Lot to Write About

May have found a home for Apprentice. Submitted it to a small semi-annual publisher. Received word that it is "in the editorial review process". To be completely honest, I don't know what that means, except that it hasn't been rejected. Yet.

Expect to finish my first pass through Prophecies of Madatar today. Either I wrote it much better than Traitor or I have lost my edge to edit my own work. I'm not cutting a lot of words.

Got to write up the next installment of my Panthera: On Trial For Treason. That's on the Legion of On-Line Heroes blog.

There's just so much writing that needs to take place. Got an idea for a new blog, but it's going to require a lot of background work before I can set it up. Want to finish Animal Kingdom. Want to work on background for Swords of Fire. Would like to add another installment to Kiahva's tales. Got poems to write. Blogs to fill out. So much writing. So little time.

And on top of all of that I should really be playing my bass, walking my treadmill, and riding my bicycle. And I need an income. Why is it the only things I do well aren't worth being paid to do?

Well, back at it. With Son home all the time now, too, I am under intense pressure to "get off the computer". I've just been informed I have forty minutes. I'd better use them wisely.

Launch Date: June 18th, 2009

See edit note at bottom of post.

Today I am telling myself I will send out my query for Swords of Fire: Traitor. I have done this several times before. The first time was back in the early 1980s. The last was in the fall of 2008. Every other time I sent out a query I did so with high hopes - and even expectations. The high hopes are gone now. The expectations are still here, though. Only they've changed. I'm expecting to be rejected. Why? Because I don't believe in the book? I think my query s*cks? No. I think the book is great. And I think I've got a decent query. But I don't dare believe anymore. It is too crushing to come down from that height again. So I don't climb anymore.

It seems I have returned to my roots. You know them, I'm sure. You've probably shared some of them. These are the things we (I) learned as young children. Things such as, "Good things only happen to other people."

My sister-in-law, B, once told me something which I have never forgotten. She said it to be silly, but knowing her I expect there was more than a little truth in the statement. We had been talking about achieving something great. Don't remember what it was, but the odds were against us. She was getting all excited and had actually convinced herself it was going to happen. In typical fashion, I felt the need to caution her against succumbing to enthusiasm. The let down would be horrible, and I didn't want to see her hurt. What she said was this:

I choose to get excited before the fact, because after the fact there might not be anything to get excited about.

We had a good laugh over that, and B continued to be enthused. Later, it turned out she was right. There wasn't anything to be excited about. Things went according to the odds.

I learned not to be that way at a very young age. Now I don't know who I'm more angry with: whoever it was that taught me this; or myself for learning it.

There are vague memories in my mind and heart of a time when I believed. Believed in the future. Believed in good things happening. Believed in myself. There was a confidence which encompassed me as I moved through life.

Now I find myself paraphrasing B's statement.

I choose to refrain from excitement before the fact so that the pain I feel afterward can be minimized.

I guess that's why I've been dragging my feet with this query. All previous efforts were done quickly, and I sent them out with B's attitude. Now I see it as an invitation to pain, and I've not been in any hurry to get it done.

Well, it's done now. The query is ready. I have a place to send it. If only I could believe there was a chance I could feel some joy about this. I suppose the very act of sending it demonstrates at least hope. I did work on this. This was not slapped together in five minutes. I worked on it. Submitted it for critique. Then used those recommendations to polish it to what it is now. Part of me does believe or I would not have undertaken the effort. It's my emotions. They've run out of courage. In that regard, I'm empty. I have no armor to protect myself from the feelings which accompany rejection.

No matter. The query is ready. It leaves today. I must take my wounds like everyone else.

Pity. You know?

EDIT NOTE: The query is on its way.

My Head's On the Block - Now It's Time to Find Someone With a Hatchet

So I have a new "final" version of my query for Swords of Fire: Traitor. I guess I can begin looking in earnest for an agent to send it to. Good luck with that, right?

The level of stress in my writing environment has increased many fold since school has let out. Apart from the garage sale (which is now - thankfully - over) Son is now home all day, and that means demands upon my time. Spouse is home more often, too. More demands on my time. Then we have to find a new place to live. We have to pack to move. Got blasted doctor visits. There's always something which gets in the way of writing.

It's always been like that for me. I have to fight for my time to write. Even when I was in elementary, junior high, and high school, finding a quiet place to write was not easy. There was always some kind of activity - authorized and otherwise - competing with my attention to what I was writing. Perhaps that's why I eventually found I write best in the middle of the night. Normal people are asleep at that time.

I haven't been up so much in the wee hours the past couple of months. The garage sale took a lot of my time - and energy. I'm still recovering from two weeks of sales. We did well, but we still have hundreds of items which did not sell. It's amazing how much 'stuff' we have accumulated over the years.

Writing is such a personal thing. Sometimes Son will come and sit and watch. Then I just give up writing entirely and play a computer game. What's the point? I mean, until I release my writing I don't want it read by anyone but me. Ever. Sometimes after I release it I would dearly like to take it back, but it's too late.

Most of my stories are still in my head. Protected from comments and opinions I am not ready to listen to. Some are written down on paper, or in the computer. I'm not ready for comments on those either. A few I have sent out expressly to get comments.

Comments can hurt, but they are nearly always helpful, and I try to make it a rule to rewrite anything which receives negative comments - even if I don't take the exact advice given. My thinking is that something must be wrong, even if the suggestion s*cks. There have a been a few cases in which I have not done a rewrite. I did not rewrite Apprentice, for instance, after I got my final comments. Apart from the one reader, who didn't like the subject matter, they were mostly minor. I had already rewritten it based on fairyhedgehog's critique and it seems to be a finished piece.

So, back to my query. My intent is to pick an agent to submit to by the end of the week. Most have websites now, so checking out the kinds of works they represent should be okay - once I've found them. So begins the Gauntlet of Rejection. That's kind of why I quit going out in public. You know?

A Good Day in a Good Year

Well, my query was posted on Evil Editor. I did not get hammered like I thought I would. In fact, I was treated fairly mildly.

That's not to say I wrote a perfect query and no one found fault. But the findings appear to be only about minor things. I think the thing is pretty close. I could find myself looking for an agent as early as next week, unless I am mistaken about what I've taken from this critique.

So who knows? I felt from January that this was a year of significance for me. So far, it has been. Already in January I made a fantastic friend, who has stuck with me - despite my neurotic tendencies. I found myself opening up to an entire new world of creative exploration. That also began in January. I finished my editing of Swords of Fire: Traitor in February. I wrote a nice query in March. We began the Legion of On-Line Super Heroes blog in April. (Well, March 30th.) I opened my Archives and found a host of unfinished stories to work with, as well as some of the original Swords of Fire writings.

So, four months into the year and all kinds of wonderful things have happened to me. New friends, including a best friend. New stories. New confidence (sometimes that's difficult to prove [smiles]). New hope. New health. (I've lost six pounds in four weeks.) What's left?

Well, unless things drastically change, I'll have a new home. A new agent. A new perspective.

Come August we will complete seven years of financial ruin. For some reason I am thinking that will end the seven years of famine. I don't know this. I just kind of believe it.

I am happy and grateful for the good things which have happened to me this year. I am especially grateful to you - dear readers - for I consider you to be my friends. Thank you. You are wonderful people. I am especially grateful for my best friend. Those of you who have read what I write and commented back to me have awakened me to a joy and happiness I have not known for a good many years.

I think this has been a good day.

A Short History Lesson

Originally, I created this blog to talk about The Great Sea. Hence, the name: The Great Sea. And originally I was doing a lot with Swords of Fire. I had just submitted a failed query to Evil Editor and had learned why the query had failed. I spent a good amount of the next three months reworking my story and ultimately reduced it in size by about thirty percent.

But I got away from Swords of Fire and the blog has morphed into a blog about my writing in general. I will still post things which have nothing to do with my stories, but mostly that is what this blog is about. My stories, poems, plays, and creative ideas.

Well, Swords of Fire: Traitor (the latest title for Book I) has become active again. It is in the hands of a beta reader, and sometime in May my latest query letter should be harpooned on Evil Editor's blog. So I thought I would provide a little background on The Great Sea itself. That, of course, is what SOF-The People was ultimately supposed to be, but that blog has morphed into Tavaar's Background Story.

Below is a map I created in the late 1980s or early 1990s, after Swords of Fire had been around for nearly twenty years. The Great Sea is not just the ocean, although that makes up a significant part of it. The Great Sea is the entire place, including sun and stars and air and what have you.

In the map there is a dark blue ring which runs around the edge of the light blue circle. The light blue is simply to provide contrast to the grey void. The important part is the ring. That is the ocean. It is the route all The Great Sea's worlds travel as they circle the Fire in the middle. Don't worry about trying to read the captions. They're not important.

The worlds float around and along the ring like stripes on an old barber pole, or candy cane. The entire Sea is in a place, and that place is called, Time. You see, I am of the mind that Time is a place. For real. And that if one leaves this place, they leave Time. Perhaps one then is in a different kind of time, but one is no longer bound by the limitations of our time. That's the way it is on The Great Sea. And it is a significant point in the later books, beginning with the third.

Imagine being able to step out of Time. You could look at it like you would look at your house. There might be several doors in which to re-enter at different places. Or windows to crawl through. That is true on The Great Sea. However, not everyone has the power to leave Time. And not everyone is allowed in. The more I think about it the more confusing it gets with all of the possibilities. But the concept is very important to Swords of Fire. It explains some VERY important points which are introduced as early as Book I.

Oh, and the Fire in the midst (yellow circle) is not just fire, like our sun. There is a lot more to it. A LOT more. However, as that is revealed in the Saga's final book, I will say no more about it for now.


Couldn't think of anything to post about today, and yesterday's post was kind of a downer. Sorry about that. I get that way sometimes. (A lot.) But I had a infusion of good spirits from my a good friend and I'm feeling better. Hope you found at least some of this interesting.

A Different Kind of Venting - The Tired Kind

Progress. Hmm. Well, that's a matter of perspective.

Swords of Fire: Traitor has been sent to a beta reader.

Quest has been sent to a beta reader.

The query for Traitor is written. I'll submit it to Evil Editor once my courage rises.

The Animal Kingdom has not been worked on since I said I was going to work on it. But I seem to recall saying I might not begin until after the weekend. And I had forgotten about the marathon dentist appointment this morning. I live forty miles from my dentist, and it was decided to do all of the work at one time instead of having me make multiple trips.

Why do I travel so far to go to the dentist? Because he's the only dentist who doesn't hurt me. That's worth forty miles. And it's nothing compared to the guy who comes from New York State. This dentist is good. He's so good, in fact, that he doesn't work on Fridays, Saturdays, or when he's got a good tee time at the course.

Haven't written anything storywise since I submitted my hero story on the Legion Blog. Speaking of which, Mad Smart Pirate #2 posted today. You really must go read it. Blogless Troll wrote it, and it's absolutely hysterical. Well, it's funny anyway.

I've written a new poem, but I'm not going to post it. Not now anyway, despite April being poetry month. I wrote what I want it to say (for once), but I'm not sure it's good for everyone to know what I wrote. Suffice to say it was touching and meaningful, and I felt good for having written it. I don't want to lose that feeling by getting unfortunate reactions from others reading it.

Even having a difficult time writing for my blogs right now. Oh, not A Voice in the Wind. I'm old enough that I can usually find something from my past to write about. And SOF-The People is easy right now, too. I've posted from Tavaar's Background Story 22 days in a row. That makes 56 total posts about Tavaar, and I'm not even halfway through. I wrote several hundred thousand words about Tavaar. I love Tavaar. But more than that, I used Tavaar's Background Story to hide all kinds of information about The Great Sea, Madatar, Khirsha, and how things work. Because of Tavaar (you're not supposed to begin sentences with 'because', are you) I know how the Window works. I know who Madatar is. (I always did, but now I REALLY know.) I know why Hawnka's potions work and how she got her knowledge. I know how Abrin (Khirsha's grandfather) always knows things which are seemingly impossible for him to know. I know all of these things, simply because I invested a year writing Tavaar's Background Story.

How's that for shameless marketing? I guess I'm feeling bad because I don't think anyone is reading it. SOF-The People has probably the least ability to capture a reader's interest. I suppose it's because I seldom (if ever) reveal me on it. Not that I'm so interesting, but you know what I mean? Everyone who blogs tends to show themselves at whiles in their posts. Some do it a lot. Some only every so often. But that's what creates the connection between blogger and reader. SOF-The People is just contains a draft of a story which will probably never get published. After all, it's just background. A giant information dump.

The Legions Blog I needn't worry too much about right now. We've got four stories scheduled, and I believe Whirlochre will soon be adding another episode. With eight authors posting (together) three times a week I think we're fine.

So, for someone who's just been moaning about not having anything to write about, I've just written about three or four hundred words. Yeah, I must be off. On a good day I can post over a thousand words. Must be this weight loss thing I'm on. Using up all my energy.

Don't worry, Mother Hen. I'm taking care of myself. You do the same.

What to Do Now

I'm bored. The Muses have had a great time but they had to leave on other work. I posted a couple of things and then wrote an Evil Editor exercise. Since then I've done pretty much - nothing.

I'm in a mood shift, but I can't tell where it wants to go. There's some nostaligia, but I may have dealt with that by posting about how we used to burn off our yard over on A Voice in the Wind.

Perhaps it's loneliness. Several of my friends (on-line friends) have disappeared, and some others are going to be busy for the next day or two and won't be available. I don't begrudge people their happiness, or their need to get away, but it's a fact that I get lonely when they're gone. Like when Stephen and Randy took that week long trip to San Francisco. It was quiet without them. Too quiet.

I could be nervous. Just sent Traitor to a beta reader. Quest will be going to a different beta reader in a couple of days. And I have a query letter to send to Evil Editor. Like the proverbial Casey at the Bat I could find myself swinging and missing at strike three.

The Animal Kingdom has been moved to the front burner of my creativity, but it's still cooking. Too soon to begin writing.

So many things I want to do, but they ALL cost money. I don't have any. So the problem is this: How do I turn what I'm good at (which is nothing) into money? Politicians, banking and insurance executives do it all the time. Why can't I?

In the meantime, I shall listen to my music. Maybe the Muses will hear it and come back. We could have a party.

Under My Wheels, by Alice Cooper.

Stairway to Heaven, by Led Zeppelin.

Don't it Make You want to Go Home, by Joe South.

CC Rider, by Animals.

Speak Softly Love (Godfather Theme), by Andy Williams.

Joy, by Apollo 100.

Caught Up - almost

Yep. Except for the query I need to finish for Swords of Fire: Traitor, I am caught up with all of my writing assignments.

Quest is finished. That is a nice short story about things we risk for friendship.

I wrote my new Hero story for The Legion of On-Line Super Heroes blog. That is scheduled to show up on the 25th. In the meantime, there are stories scheduled for the 18th, 20th, and 23rd. Do make it a point to read those.

So what am I planning to put on my plate next?

I'm thinking about The Animal Kingdom. That's a book I began back in the late 1980s about a kingdom ruled by animals. It is governed by a Mare, and policed by German Shepherds. Crows act as informants and Hogs control a lot of the politics.

The plot centers around the brutal murder of a hog near the border with the large cats. The hogs are calling for a banishment of all predators from The Kingdom (predators are to return to our world in order to get meat), and of course the sheep follow right along.

Eschae (the Mare) calls upon Sparks (German Shepherd), her top agent, to solve the crime before The Kingdom falls into complete disarray and she has to banish the predators - which would include Sparks. Sparks enlists the help of his long time friend, Casper, a black panther, despite direct orders from Eschae to keep Casper away. Can Sparks solve the crime before it's too late? Or will he, Casper, and all the other predators be forced back into our world to face extinction from the human race?

I read about 200-words from it at the writers' group meeting I attended on Tuesday of this week, and four of the five were encouraging in their response. So, I'm thinking about picking it up for real and seeing if I can finish it. Or maybe I just need a break. I don't know.

Love to tell stories.

I'd Pass Out Champagne, But I Can't Drink Alcohol Without Dying

I was going to say, "So how's about a Pepsi?" But I can't have that either. (Or I'll stay fat.) Do you like tea?

Well, they're not out for review yet, but I've accomplished to major goals yesterday and today.

Finished my first draft of Quest yesterday afternoon. I was excited when I began, and then suffered several interruptions which threw me off the flow. Got worried Quest could become another unfinished work, so I began searching the music in hopes of drawing the Muses back for a refresher. It worked. The inspiration returned and I finished it forthwith. Now I've but to read it over and make whatever changes before sending it off to my Reader next week.

My other significant accomplishment was I finished my final read of Swords of Fire: Traitor. Although it took much longer to read than I expected, I must say the reading went well. For the first time in 35-years I was able to read what I wrote without making significant changes of any kind. I'm not 100% happy with it because I chopped some things I very much wanted in there. But it's still 136,000-words and that may still be too much. If so, then it's over. I've chopped all I can. Personally, I think this arbitrary ruling that first time authors can't write long books is a load of cr*p. But I don't make the rules. Neither do I always follow them.

It's query writing time now. That I don't know how to do. Fairyhedgehog referred me to Nathan Bransford's blog, where he is doing a contest with 50 real queries, three (3) of which actually made it to publication. The goal is to read the queries and pick five (5) you think an agent would accept. Personally, I didn't find five. Only found three. Hopefully, I will be submitting my query to Evil Editor by the end of next week. Maybe the week after.

A Walk Down a Lane With Music in the Air

Feeling nostalgic.

Longer, by Dan Fogelberg. I used to sing this in the car on the way home from work when Spouse and I both worked at the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. In my mind I envisioned a cabin type house with a fireplace, two stuffed chairs, end tables, lamps, and good books to read. (One of mine. [smiles]) Right now the cabin type house doesn't look too likely. Nor does one (or more) of my books being published.

Lady, by Kenny Rogers. This was a song of longing for me. Of wanting but not having. A feeling of how it should be, but never would be.

Year of the Cat, by Al Stewart. This song played often during my hey day of story creation. Stewart's songs had a haunting quality which seemed to touch ever creative nerve in my body. I remember sitting at a desk in the dark listening to the Year of the Cat album with just the light from television as I typed furiously on the original submission of The Prophecies of Madatar. (Back then I was using an Atari 800, which used a television to display instead of computer monitor.)

Jazzman, by Carole King. It was Stephen who opened me up to the beautiful music of Carole King and Joni Mitchell. Stephen opened up many doors to me. Behind every great work of creativity there must be inspiration. Stephen, while not necessarilly the inspiration for specific artistic endeavors, inspired me to be inspired. I think that's far more valuable a gift than to inspire a single work. A single work is just that. A single work. But the ability to catch the wind and touch anything. What a wondrous thing! Stephen's gone now, but I have someone new who inspires me to be inspired. Itis such a happy feeling, as this song intimates. It makes me want to stand and throw my hands up and say, "Thank You!"

Grazing in the Grass, by Hugh Masekela. A summer song. I recall Stephen driving us through the countryside with the windows down and the music blaring. The song made us feel like we were lounging on warm grass in the sun. (Hence the name?) We felt lazy and just kept driving and driving. What fun! To be carefree again. Is it possible?

Grazing in the Grass, by Friends of Distinction. This version was no less summery, and it also returns me to a time when Stephen and I were young and happy. Whatever torments we had could not last, and we had fun. We played tennis. Sometimes Chris would join us. That was always a riot. Like the time Chris found a junky old tennis ball someone left on the court. He would hit down the long line of courts and shout, "A little help!" The ball would eventually work its way back to us. He would take it and immediately send it back. "A little help!" Oh, to be young and stupid again.

And, since I've returned to my youthful days before legal age.

Soulful Strut, by Young Holt Unlimited. In our own way we were a cocky group, despite our insecurities. For we believed we would grow out of them and ultimately succeed. The world was our playground. It didn't quite work out that way. But the memories are still dear.

Full Slate

Fallen way behind in the things I want to get done. Probably have stretched myself to my limit. But I'm feeling a bit better. It's mid-morning and I still don't have a headache, despite my congestion and the occasional coughing fit.

On my slate:

1. Finish reading Traitor
2. Finish writing Quest
3. Finish writing Query Letter for Traitor
4. Critique another writer's submission to Writers Group
5. Write new story for Legion Blog

And a bunch of other stuff which doesn't come to mind right now.

How easy it is to over commit oneself.

Writing a Sequel

So, I've begun work on Quest, which is the sequel to Apprentice. No actual writing has taken place, but I reread Apprentice and saved a new file to receive the second story.

Me thinks I may be falling into the right mood to write this sequel. We'll see.

Sometimes writing sequels can be hard. Sometimes they come easy. Writing the sequel to Swords of Fire: Traitor was not difficult, despite having to write a complete book. The reason was because, originally, Traitor and Prophecies of Madatar were actually one book. As I developed the story further and further I was forced to split it into two books. So Prophecies of Madatar wrote fairly quickly. I think it took me a month to get the first draft, and a year to edit it down to 190,000-words. Now, using the knowledge I have acquired since going on-line, I will probably need another month or two to finish it.

What is hard is writing the next book in the series: Bonds of Love. I know what has to happen, but I still have to write it. Got a fair way into it before leaving off last summer.

Write the sequel to Apprentice is different. Apprentice came to me quickly, and I think I had the rough draft written in a week. I gave it to a beta reader and made some changes. Then I presented it to a writers' group in February. But at that time the idea of a sequel was simply a nice thought, germinating in the hidden places of my heart and mind. So now I'm ready to move on it. Like Bonds of Love, I have to write from scratch. Fortunately, I only need write up to 7,000-words or there abouts. Since it is a sequel, it may actually take longer than the original. But look for me to be bragging about it some time in May.

Coming soon to a beta reader I know: Quest. Starring Kiahva and Amice.

So, What's Up

So I found this new vocal talent, T.O.M. He's not famous, or anything. In fact, I don't believe he's recorded anything "official". But I was going to create a short pieces with him singing along to a CD. I thought it would be cool. I still think it would be cool, but it's kind of difficult to put together correctly. So I've put it on the back burner, so to speak.

What I'll post about instead is my recently finished book, Traitor. I'm giving it a "final" read before handing it off to a beta reader. That has me about as nervous as sending in a query letter to Evil Editor. Which reminds me, I still have to work on that.

But I like my story. It's reading well. Knowing the story so well, I keep finding myself surprised when certain elements are not there. But it's good. Whether anybody else thinks so, I guess I'll find out soon enough.

The new Legions blog is going to have me busy, I think. That's good. We're officially up to five, with two others who have indicated some level of interest.

Heck of a day! Don't you think?

Learning From Critiques

Found something fun in the Archives. A one sheet critique of the original Swords of Fire: Book I. The critique was written up by an author, but I forget his name. He didn't sign it. It was part of what I paid for when I attended the School of Christian Writing at Wheaton College in Illinois back in the early 1980s. They brought in about a dozen published authors and a host of agents and editors to provide classes and submission opportunities to aspiring writers. You may not believe it, but I did learn a bit there, and this critique I found tells me I took it to heart. From it, I see why I took the Swords of Fire Saga in a new direction. This critique is the foundation for the reason nineteen books had to go away.

What's cool is that the critique is very short and to the point.

Section 1: Overall, your manuscript

___ is ready for submission to potential publishers

___ can be improved by minor changes noted

_X_ needs revision in aspects noted

Section 2: Specifically, you need to work further on: (I'll only list the items checked)

_X_ Opening

_X_ Focus

_X_ Pace

_X_ Description

_X_ Suspense

_X_ Credibility

_X_ Dialogue

The opening continued to give me trouble for the next fifteen years. I don't recall why he thought the focus and pace were off. I was poor on description, which took away a lot of suspense. Things were happening too quickly without reason. My credibility was off because I hadn't bothered to research certain aspects of medieval society. My dialogue was simple and stilted.

I remember when he went over the story with me he was very nice about it. He was also convinced I had a lot work to do, but he believed I had the talent to do it.

Section 3: You have developed well

Imaginary world, Window, Names

Section 4: You could make the greatest improvement in your writing by

Telling us more, examining why some details are necessary, looking again at dialogue

I know I paid attention, because the book wound up with too much backstory and details, which I've spent months removing. My dialogue is much, much better, too. I think so anyway.

Section 5: Resources and/or examples you might find helpful are

nothing listed.

Thanks a lot for nothing, I guess.

Section 6: In addition to the notes I have made on your manuscript

Khirsha seems like a helpless wimp, Kelso like a reckless opportunist. Is this the best the Endos can produce?

Back then, the family was known as "The Endos". Got rid of that.

Both Khirsha and Kelso changed dramatically. Nobody liked Kelso except me, and it was important Kelso be likeable. Khirsha was too wimpy. What I wound up doing was giving up on Khirsha's wimpiness, replacing it with simply naivte. Instead of an opportunist, Kelso became a planner and helpful advisor to Khirsha. Both Khirsha and Kelso were now confident warriors of superior prowess. From this new foundation of character the Saga would now head in a totally new direction.

Preparing to Submit a Work Finished

Work sent out for review? It's been a while since I've had anything. The last was Apprentice. It survived a review of writers at my writers' group meeting back in February. But now Traitor is finished. (Poor choice of word. Let's say, "completed".)

I have a query letter to write. This is kind of like preparing to go to the dentist. I would give most anything for anyone to do it for me. I dread the prospect of killing my story by writing a lousy query.

Of course I have Evil Editor and the Minions to turn to, but they can only tell me what works and what doesn't. The actually assembling of words into a coherent money-making proposal to an agent will be left up to me. Supposedly, only I can write the query to my story. Not so sure I believe that. I don't want to believe it because what I desperately want is for someone else to write a brilliant query for Traitor which is going to make absolutely every agent on the planet drool with desire to get their hands on it.

The only droolers I know are my niece's new baby and great-great-Uncle Harold, who still thinks it's 1922.

I'm just scared. So what's new? You'd think I could take comfort in the familarity of my fears. Some things never change. Not really. Except Uncle Harold. Last year he thought it was 1918. He's getting better, so why can't I?

The End of This Line Means the Beginning of the Next

Traitor is finished. Again. Or, since I changed the name after beginning this revsion, perhaps for the first time. In any case, it is done. I finished it around 6:30 a.m. this morning.

Here are some loathsome statistics.

Final word count: 136,334-words

Goal word count: 130,000-words (or less)

Original word count: unknown (I would have to type it into the computer)

Highest word count: 234,000-words

Word count last time submitted to an agent: 198,000-words

Word count after getting help from Evil Editor Minions: 157,233-words

Year Swords of Fire: Book I began: 1977

Year Swords of Fire: Book I first submitted for publication: fall of 1981

Publisher receiving submission: Del-Rey (with letter from friend of Lester Del-Rey)

First Rejection Received: December of 1982

Number of "Major" rewrites: at least 10

Percentage of Readers who liked reading Book I (any version): 80%

Percentage of Agents/Editors who liked Book I (any version): 0%

Number in Khirsha's family (living and dead): 6,754

Number of Family Members with Unique Name: 6,754

I had to add that last. It took me years to name everyone. Exhausting work. And fairly pointless, too. But no less so than assigning each and every one of those 6,754 people a home for each year of their life, determining the year and day they were born, and the same for those who died, and figuring out when each of the twenty-nine villages came into being, and who founded them, and which line everyone belongs to, and how good each was with the sword, and when and where each served their military duty. (Actually, I haven't finished the military duty portion. No bragging rights there, I'm afraid.)

But it's done. I'm over budget on word count, but not by much. I'm thinking of going with this version and leaving the word count as it is. Dropping 21,000-words meant dropping some important characters and some important scenes. I don't know if I have it in me to do any more cutting. What is needed now is for me (or someone else) to step back and read the story as a story. Does it still flow? Are there unanswered - or foolishly answered - questions? Does it hold the reader to the end? Does the ending satisfy?

It's too soon for me to do all of that. I'm still trying to get out of the forest. But I have no reader for it, so it'll have to be me, I'm afraid. Then I get to start my new project.

The query letter.

I've been a reader only at Evil Editor's blog since getting into this rewrite. Probably thinks I bailed. Truth is, most of what needs critiquing are query letters - and I haven't a clue about those, so I say nothing.

Well, I can't get hammered because alcohol will kill me. So, I guess it's a can of Pepsi with some popcorn from a grocery store.

Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!

Progress Report

Today is supposed to a "What am I Learning" day. However, as I'm not sure I'm learning much of anything I think I will talk about my progress with Book I - A Traitor in the Midst. (Still nothing on how that title works for anyone. Does this mean it's hateful, wonderful, boring, meh?)

Despite all that has been going on, the past two days have been highly productive. I've finished no less than five sections: four chapters and an interlude. What is more, except for one chapter, all of the sections have come in under word budget. In fact, for the entire book I'm only just 2,000-words over budget. Of course, the next three chapters are all currently over budget, so that could change in a hurry. In fact, the current size of the portion which remains is nearly as large as my goal for the entire book. Lots of shredding involved.

With the book now a third finished I find myself once again considering the hateful query letter. Like I posted on SOF-The People, I'm horrendous at convincing others anything is worthwhile. I just don't sell well. Not keen when sales clerks try to do it to me, so I hesitate to do it to others. Yet it's the only way to get a book published. I have to write a great query letter explaining why my book is just wonderful.

It's kind of odd, in a way. All of my life, since I can remember anyway, people have accused me of not caring about people and things which I find most important. When they ask me about what's important to me, I tell them, but they don't catch the excitement. Probably because I seldom show it. I feel it inside. It just doesn't come out.

It's kind of like that with my book. I think it's a fantastic story that anyone who enjoys medieval-style fantasy would enjoy. But I have a hard time saying anyone should read it. Neither will I guarantee they will enjoy it. One never can know for certain. I don't keep tabs on how often I've had this book, or that movie, recommended with assurances that I will truly enjoy it, only to find the thing entirely dull.

Anyway, it really is too early to be concerning myself with the query letter. I've got 90,000-words left, of which 30,000- to 50,000-words have to be cut in order to keep the story within budget. It's progressing, but I believe it's time to sharpen the scalpel.

Progress Report

Figured I'd do another progress report. Got up at 3:00 a.m. This gave me four hours of uninterrupted writing. The result? Chapter Two is in the book. I also came in 211-words under budget, too.

In case you find it at all interesting, in ten days I have completed one interlude, two chapters, and 15,128-words. If the current pace holds true I should finish some time in the middle of March at around 110,000-words. Don't hold your breath on the pace holding, though. There are plenty of things to get in the way, including not waking up at the right time. Also, Mother's surgery is next week on Thursday. I can forget about writing that day. Maybe the day before and the day after, too. We'll see. It's a scary surgery.

Lots of characters are being left on the cutting room floor. Good characters. Interesting characters. Lots of background, too. The infodump is being dumped.

The changes do neccesetate me moving a scene. What once took place in Chapter Nine is now going to have to occur in Chapter Three. I had planned on moving it to Chapter Two, but it just refused to fit. That's the problem with stories. Once they're on their way they begin to dictate storyline as much as accept it. I think I can do it, though.

A Traitor in the Midst (still would like some feedback on that title - before I marry myself to it) will be the first installment of what I hope to be an extended series. Book II, The Prophecies of Madatar, is already primed and ready to go. Book III, Bonds of Love, has been begun but put on hold. Book IV (untitled) is mostly in my head. I did write a few scenes under inspiration. Thanks to Risa, Isista, Quixa, and Sonja, the Muses who inspired the work. Book V (untitled) is also mostly in my head. I may have written a couple of scenes. Not sure. Book ? (untitled) is interesting because I don't know if it is Book VI, VII, VII, IX, or X.

There are a lot of scenes to be written, and a fair number to be rewritten. Some, I know, are going to go away. Even some of my favorites. That's the way storywriting goes. Once you jump out of the plane it's too late to do anything on the plane. Whatever is left out is gone. But, given clever writing and design, some things can be raised from the dead.

That's what happened to the original ending of Book I. The ending line was magnificent. It was just beautiful. However, as I began developing the story as it needed to be, I suddenly found myself confronted with the reality that there was no longer any place for that line. It was gone. Then, as I carried the story forward into places I had yet to explore, I discovered the line could be used after all - at the very end. Of course, I haven't got there yet. I still haven't finished A Traitor in the Midst. Could someone tell me what they think of that title?